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Breezy Point

Local Golf
August 17, 2017

Find My Golf Ball
By R.J. Smiley

The Psychic opens a sleeve of 2017 Titleist Pro V1 golf balls. As he drops these symbols of a real golfer, personalized logo golf balls, onto the putting green he smiles. Being frugal with all things concerning money for his entire life, the Psychic enjoys... the look... the feel... even the imaginary smell of a virgin golf ball. These are "his" golf balls, a Christmas gift from his loving wife who understands how much he loves the great game and the pride he feels when he identifies his ball on the first tee.

"I am playing a new Titleist Pro V1 with a pair of ruby red puckered lips logo. A gift from my wife," he proudly states as he places "his" golf ball on the tee.

A chuckle from members of his foursome, but none had a personalized golf ball to boast about.

A lip-out three-putt bogie on the first but a good start for a 22 handicap. On the 4th, a long par-4 with fescue covered mounds separating the parallel 8th fairway; the Psychic caught his tee shot solid, feeling "his" new Pro V1 compress under his 92 mph swing speed. The mighty tee short started right and never came back. His ball carried over the first taller mound and disappeared into the Himalayas.

No golf carts are allowed in the Himalayas so the Psychic and his group searched for "his" new golf ball. Sensitive to his feelings for his ball, the group allowed the Psychic an extra minute or two before saying, "Take a cart back to the tee while we keep looking for your ball."

After losing "his" new ball, the Psychic's game went down hill. Not breaking 100 for the first time in three weeks was not pleasant. As he arrived home mid-afternoon even the dog seemed to sense his unspoken feeling. How could I lose that brand new ball? Those balls are $4 each. There should be a way to find a golf ball if it was not hit into a water hazard!

The Psychic moves into his study and assumes his familiar position. With the golden orb glowing and the turban cocked, just a little to the left, the Psychic searches for the answer. At first he does not recognize himself thrashing the fescue searching in-vane for "his" golf ball. Then he sees a legion of golfers each searching for their golf ball. The numbers 4 and 300 keeps racing toward his wrinkled forehead. What does it mean? What is 4; what is 300?

As the video repeats, the Psychic understands. The average golfer loses 4 balls each round. Golfers lose over 300 million golf balls annually. Think of the strokes wasted! Think of the time wasted! Think of the money!

Then the Psychic sees a golfer with a pair of sunglasses with blue lenses. The magic marble allows the Psychic to view the world from the golf ball hunters' eyes. The entire background, grass, trees, water, sky, leaves and twigs are all a blue blur. Then in the midst of the blue blur a white diamond appears, a golf ball. The blue sunglasses see only two colors, blue and white. The orb allows the Psychic to focus on the logo on the glasses frame, BallHawk, made in Australia.

Next the Psychic sees the logo for App Store on a smart phone. Prazza, Golf Ball Finder and Chip-Ing.com repeatedly flash into view. Then the Psychic sees blind golfers with a smart phone sending a hotter or colder, beeping signal. As the golfer nears the, digitally enhanced golf ball, the sound intensifies. The Psychic thinks, "With this I could play golf at night without a glow ball." The other digital apps use similar digital balls.

Satisfied that the "never loose your golf ball" day is coming; the Psychic removes the turban and covers the tell-all ball. The Psychic dials the pro shop and asked the head golf professional about the digitally enhanced golf balls. The pro informs the Psychic that the USGA does not allow such balls in tournament play - that would give the player an unfair 3rd party advantage. The pro went on to explain that the golf ball industry that sells over 300 million golf balls per year does not really want golfers to find their golf balls.

The Psychic thanks the golf pro and feels a sense of satisfaction. Technology is indeed moving golf into the 21st Century.

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